Habits: Bake Until Golden-Brown

I don't know about you, but I've heard a lot of different rules concerning the formation of habits. They--and by they I mean social scientists and other groups--say that doing something for x amount of time effects a change in the brain from one sector to another, and that that is when a habit has been created. Commonly, the minimum time they say is required is 21 days, but that isn't constant. Off the top of my head alone I can remember being told it was seven days in elementary and junior high school, then at some point it went up to two weeks, then to three weeks. I've even been told minimums from 30 days up to three months.

In high school I raised these inconsistencies as a rebuttal against the 21-day rule and was told, "Well, it is only recommended as a minimum requirement. Every person is different." I was tempted to roll my eyes and reply, "So, you're saying 'the rule' is a fake--that in actuality a habit can form by doing something consistently for anywhere between ten seconds to your death? That doesn't sound like much of a groundbreaking discovery to me."

Now of course I realize that was my rebellious side appealing for far too much dominance over my tongue and I would probably never openly reply like that, but let's think about this for a minute. Why is it that some activities develop into habits within seconds and other never tend to become habits regardless of how hard we try? And why are some habits extremely difficult to break while others are easier to let go of than air?

On average, a person can pick up knuckle popping, gum smacking, finger drumming or hair toying without even thinking about it. They simply do it once or twice, and--BAM!--habit. But then there's the other end of the spectrum that includes things like exercise, diet changes, religious practices and much, much more.

I don't know how many of you reading this are actively religious, but if you are, think about this.  In Christianity it is a biblical commandment to study from the prophetic writings and pray daily. I know there are similar expectations in most religions and philosophies. But how many of you out there actually keep them? Forget the commandment aspect for a minute, and let's talk purely about habits. For people who are just taking up a religion, it can be incredibly difficult to acquire these new daily habits. In fact, some people give up part way in and never bother letting the habit reach fruition. And even if they do get into the habit, the battle isn't over. For those who persevere it can be all too easy to break the habit. You accidentally let a few days slip by during a busy vacation and--BAM!--the habit is broken and three weeks pass before you pick up the Bible again. By then you're back at square one.

The same is true of exercise and diet, but religion has a tendency to contain more of the toughest-to-form habits that there are, which is why I make an example of it. For some reason, varied by each person's individual beliefs, we as people often find religious habits inconvenient, obtuse and uncomfortable. Maybe this is because some practices just never seem to make that change from scheduled activity to daily habit. (Or maybe I put that backwards, and it's the feelings of disfavor that block out the habitual possibility. What do you think?) Anyway, we force ourselves to do things over and over again every day, knowing inside that what we're doing is good and wholesome, and yet we never seem to reach the blissful day when the activities convert into "holy habits." Some battles naturally feel like they cannot be won.

What's my point with all this? It is this: There may be a minimum time for habit formation, but there is absolutely no maximum. Most good things like exercise and religion will take your whole lifetime to develop into sturdy habit. If you're working on building any new habit or breaking an old one and feel like you are making zero headway, do not give up. You may feel depressed because you aren't succeeding at the speed you had hoped. Maybe a close friend has accomplished the same feat in less time and with greater ease. But don't you dare quit on yourself. You put those metaphorical cookies in the oven and bake them until the edges are golden-brown. Maybe your oven can't burn as hot as your friend's for one reason or another and that's what is holding you back, but whatever the reason, don't you quit. If you are patient and keep working to keep the fires burning consistently, you will get cookies. And when those cookies are done you will savor and appreciate them all the more.

There is no rule that can be trusted about the amount of time or number of reps you have to do before something becomes a habit. The 21-day rule is a myth. So whatever habit you're trying to make or break, do not give up on it or yourself. You have the dough, you have the wood, you have the oven. The question is, are you willing to use what you have to make some delicious, golden-brown habit cookies?